Dedication
To my three children—Phoebe, Hughie, and Maddie—
To those I have loved and lost,
And any friends still retained 🙂
To the relatively materially poor I’m connected to,
All of the above, on most days, give me a real sense of the Good Life
and what’s truly important in a Wonderful Life.
So, thank you—and love from me.
Introduction
As the train glides quietly by, I sit in Room 205 of Hotel Union, Dobbiaco, Italy, looking out at the Dolomites, fresh after a rain shower. It’s a very pleasant Sunday morning—one Merino layer kind of weather—and I’m sipping a cappuccino from a lovely little patisserie just a few doors away, toward the town centre.
Earlier, within a group of fellow adventurers we took bus 445 back from a walk around the exquisite Lago di Braies (lake), the start of the famous 8-day Alta Via 1 hike. And all I can think is: life, right now, feels as good as it ever has in my 65 years.
Welcome. My name is Mal, Dad or Uncle—and these less-than-100 pages are an alternative guide to a wonderful life. They’re mostly for younger people, particularly my children, close relatives and their friends, but maybe a few others, and perhaps a few older ones too. I hope they offer a way—by showing what has worked for me, what hasn’t, and what still does—in the pursuit of meaning, purpose, and some Q&A along my journey to a wonderful life.
Think of this as just that: a way, not the way. It’s my way, not a higher way. It’s also an effort—mine alone. I climbed this mountain to get to this page.
It’s drawn from my life, not a collage of repasted wisdom or borrowed thinking—though many ideas have burrowed deep from others I’ve read or heard, and later found their way out again, reshaped in my form.
And it’s meant to help—practically, like a Lonely Planet guide.
Only, for me, it’s not a lonely planet.
It’s very fair to say this little book lacks scientific study or even reasoned logic at times—for it is opinion, my fully biased opinion. Maybe you’ll share it, maybe you won’t. If you like to challenge, critique, and argue—great—we need more of that. And if you lean the other way, open to trying new ideas, a little less rigid about what’s right or wrong—then hello to you too. The world needs many more like you.
Spoiler alert if you’re short on time: what’s the key to a wonderful life?
Give.
Give of yourself.
There you go—no need to read further.
Give.
Give to yourself first. That’s what allows you to return again in the best form —and if those returns are primarily for others, then you may just be on the road to a wonderful life.
Take too—we all do. But taking only ever worked for me when it supported the ability to genuinely give more.
Give primarily of, to and for yourself; for others; and you can have a wonderful life. I have.
But here’s the thing—giving doesn’t always lead to success or recognition everytime. There’s not always applause or gratitude. Sometimes you give, and it doesn’t land. It’s misunderstood or ignored. And in those moments, you might wonder: is this a wonderful life?
The truth is, giving—especially giving often and over the long term—needs feedback. For growth. For reflection. Sometimes even for your own mental health. But that feedback isn’t always helpful—and that’s where you need to decide for yourself: did it help? Did it matter?
It’s a tough paradox—when you feel it helped, but the receiver doesn’t. That disconnect can deflate you. But there is light at the end of the rainbow and it still works if you: review, learn, accept, adjust if necessary—and keep going.
A wonderful life isn’t made up only of what worked easily. It includes the times you misread the moment, fell short, gave too much, or were used. That’s part of giving too.
But as in business, on the sporting field and in good relationships—what matters most is not stopping. Not turning off the tap. A wonderful life flows from sustained giving, not from a few gestures or a history of good intentions.
Give to yourself—yes. Give to your family. Give to others, even if you don’t know them directly, your community—however wide that may reach. For me, it’s the world. Give until it’s no longer nourishing you or them on the path to a wonderful life.
And this is the third part of giving I think matters:
Give within your means—but know that those means will expand as you do.
Give with smarts. But give to large goals.
Every limit I’ve placed on giving has, in time, been well and truly exceeded—because with joy my skills grew, and further effort followed as I wanted the joy again.
So if I’ve learnt anything about giving, it’s this:
Set very small steps to start but as part of audacious goals. Not someone else’s version—yours.
For yourself.
For your family.
And for your world.
Giving:
This is a practical how-to on how to have a wonderful life by giving. And yes, I accept:
– A monk’s criticism that I forgot to cover how to be rather than to do.
– An administrator’s view that I only offered three options, not the myriad.
– And the do-gooder-but-did-nothing’s opinion that I offended, took unwise risks and didn’t explore their version deeply enough.
It’s a practical guide for the younger, for it their future —designed for growth, for connection, and to encourage a long-term flow of giving to a wonderful life.
Mal James